There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
