it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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