You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
