I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
