My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
