so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
