I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
