wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
