Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize