I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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