there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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