you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
