If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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