This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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