This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
