I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
