Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
