I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
