so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love having hate sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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