i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
