i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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