It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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