My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he quoted the bible to break up with me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
