shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
please come you make the beer taste better
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize