Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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