I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
