wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
