the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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