we have pet lesbian snakes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
