I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
