I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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