Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
