she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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