dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
