so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
