why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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