How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
