wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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