How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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