I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
