she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
