I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize