My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize