I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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