WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
