I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
