You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
