Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Randomize
