I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
