i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
