Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
