I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
