Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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