Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
