forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
