My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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