I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
