Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
