I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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