I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
