y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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