Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
