I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
